Log In | Register
First, a few definitions of narcissism:
nar·cis·sism–noun
1.
inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
2.
Psychoanalysis description: erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
If there was ever a classic example of a narcissist, it would be my ex-husband. I first noticed the signs early on in the marriage. He could not pass by a mirror – anywhere – without pausing to look at himself. Whenever he enters a room with a person or people in it, he ALWAYS does this little fake cough to bring attention to himself. He wants everybody to notice him when he walks in. It’s such an engrained habit that he doesn’t even know he does it.
About 5-yrs into my first and his first marriage (I stuck it out with him for 20-yrs) he started seeking women’s attention AND affections outside of our marriage. He was on a quest to see how many women he could attract. His employees became his “victims”. I say “victims” because he would use them for his own purposes and then end the relationship with them because after-all, he was married. He joined dating services so as to attract a different set of “victims”. He tried out the prostitute option because naturally they would be interested in him. He began using his children as lures for more attention. Whenever our teenage daughters got new female friends, he wanted them to show a picture of him to them hoping they would say, “oh look at what a good looking guy your dad is”. Once cell phones came into play, he now sends pictures via a text message and wants them to show that picture to their female friends. Now here’s the scary part – he also liked to bring attention to himself by exposing his morning hard on (covered by underwear) to his daughters thinking it was such a funny thing to do. (sick and wrong in my opinion) As the years went by, his next manifestation of a narcissist was to be a body builder. He spent hours at the gym “pumping iron”. He got a hold of some black market testosterone for the purpose of bulking up even more. This had its side effects, none of which were good. He became obsessed with going to the gym and entered a body building contest to prove to the audience how wonderful he was. He came in 3rd out of 3 contestants in his weight range. What a disappointment huh? For him, it definitely was. So, where do I fit into this picture? Interestingly enough, 9 years after the divorce was final, he continues to randomly contact me to make sure I haven’t forgotten about him because wow, how could I possibly not be thinking about him 24/7? I should not ever want to be with anybody but him because after-all, nobody could come close in comparison to him. Keep in mind that he has been remarried now for 5 years and continues to contact me inappropriately anyway. His poor wife. I feel sorry for her.
I would like everyone to know a few things about what to expect from a genuine narcissist in relationships. A narcissist is what he is. A narcissist does what he does. Despite all the elaborate claims and drama from the narcissist to the contrary, they will not change themselves in any meaningful way because – after all – they’re already “perfect”. As a Lady who lived with one for twenty years, and still have to deal with one sometimes because we had children together, I can say with complete confidence that nothing I ever did could change his narcissistic ways. This unwanted contact with him will go on forever…as the kids will always be there to remind him of me – and in his mind only – “us”. While married to him, in an attempt to please and placate him, I allowed him to frighten me, humiliate me (in marital intimate relations) and forgave him over and over again for many other transgressions which would end most relationships and marriages after only one occurrence. My clergy at that time advised me to “set a good example” and “be a good wife” to help your husband be a better man. I can tell anyone this normally good advice is useless and even bad when someone tries it out on a narcissist. If I knew then even a little bit about what I know now, I would never have married him, never had children with him (I love my children very much, I just don’t like their father….), and would probably be a happier person today.
Anyone thinking of getting into any kind of involved personal relationship with a narcissist is well advised to think very carefully about it before doing it. And if you find yourself hoodwinked by one of these weasels, get out of the relationship ASAP and never look back. P.S.: use extremely reliable birth control unless you like the idea of having to deal with your weasel for the rest of your life……
Comment collapsed by the community
